ODESSA, Texas — Local man Grant Hopkins informed his friend group today that he can’t make it to this mass shooting, but, statistically speaking, he…
DAYTON, Ohio — The United States of America was embarrassed to admit it accidentally double-booked two mass shootings within 24 hours of each other, sources…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local cop and amateur wrestler Casper “Cooter” Jones, who has struggled with a violent past, present and likely future, arrived at the…
BOSTON — Longtime scene veteran Tom Williams wistfully pined yesterday for his scene’s bygone era that featured rampant, unprovoked stabbings, lamenting the decreasing rate of…
He’s the most elusive and successful street artist of all time. He’s been able to sell paintings for millions, open his own satirical theme park…
FAIRVIEW, Kan. — Local mother Deanna Jones dropped off her eldest son Jason in the parking circle of Fairview High School this morning for the…
NEW YORK — Rapper and television personality Action “Mr. Wonderful” Bronson was brutally murdered on the streets of Queens last night during a long and…
OOh shit, you guys I really need your advice here. I just punched this Nazi in a bar and HE’S STILL STANDING. I have absolutely…
Oh, OK. So apparently I’m the only one here who truly cares about the success of this band. Because from my point of view, all…
SAN ANTONIO — Local “good guy” and gun enthusiast Dean Hart admitted today that “constant” rejection and overwhelming loneliness has only increased his bitterness towards…
QUANTICO, Virginia — Chicago is officially the most dangerous band in America, due to numerous instances of “friendly fire” roadie deaths, drive-by tour bus shootings,…
There is a lot of excitement about this new Power Rangers, but I have a clear message about it for everybody out in Hollywood: It is too…
MINNEAPOLIS – Local man Dylan Olsen was brutally stabbed to death outside of punk venue The Sink Hole when it was revealed he had brought…