Growing up as a millennial was tough. The internet came along and changed the world, and our parents were too self-absorbed and lead-poisoned to ever…
I was hoping for a quiet weekend. Watering plants near the window, I noticed my neighbor outside, clutching his chest. It’s a heart attack and…
Son, you know that I love you, but we need to sit down and talk about something. The language you’ve been using around the house…
NEW YORK — Local band Junk Cat’s vocalist Ron Stallinger is at odds with his bassist who recently learned how to play the opening theme…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Oblivious dork Chazz Dorfner continued to irk the few acquaintances willing to tolerate him with his limitless cheeriness and old-timey sayings,…
BELLEFONTE, Pa. — A customer at Quik Cuts Barber Shop cast an aching stare at a neighboring silent barber/customer pair while having his hair, and…
Seriously, I ehm so scared roight now. Moy girlfriend broike up weth mee last wehk after three amay-zing months tew-ge-ther. She was the love of…
NEW YORK — Illusionist and endurance artist David Blaine dove headfirst into his craziest stunt to date yesterday by locking himself in a small room…
SAN FRANCISCO — Presidio Heights residents Bella and Hilton Dell are close to surpassing the 90-minute mark talking about the air fryer and bidet they…
WASHINGTON — The heavily anticipated Million Frontman March, meant to promote brotherhood and unity while taking a stand against backstabbing, entered its 17th consecutive day…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local man Angelo Metts, who just asked you for directions to the nearby Metro station, talked over you before you were even…
DENVER — Local man Myron Brewer’s usual self-deprecating remarks are increasingly becoming uncomfortably accurate, visibly uneasy friends report. “He’s always been pretty down on himself,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local fan Brandon Pope’s merch booth conversation with members of touring band Ghost Summit got awkward at least 30 seconds ago, according…
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — Local man Mike Soder failed yesterday to share a reasonable conversation with his tattoo artist, running out of things to talk…
CHICAGO — Morrissey fan Elspeth Carter tucked a pair of earplugs into her jacket last night in prep for his upcoming concert, to protect herself…