ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier this week that fully vaccinated people may safely end the lame-ass relationships they were…
ATLANTA — The combination of warmer temperatures and the accelerated vaccine rollout headed into Summer will lead to a sharp and dramatic increase of texts…
BERNALILLO, N.M. — The abandoned crusts on a medium, two-topping pizza purchased and eaten yesterday evening were seen in an entirely new way late this…
BALTIMORE — Local Zoom show attendee Bryant Nelson sent fellow showgoer Sage Mykels unwanted messages in the chat of Wood Leg Work’s virtual show last…
SEATTLE — Chronic back-pain sufferer Delaney Edwards is giving serious thought to the polyamorous lifestyle after realizing it could lead to intensely thrilling experiences like…
MINNEAPOLIS — Pop-punk band Suburban Angst called an emergency band meeting on Friday to discuss a potential plan to write a second hit after their…
BETHPAGE, N.Y. — After multiple failed attempts at connecting with his son, single father Frank Corbin has reportedly begun to worry that his weekend custody…
It’s been happening for nearly a month now. I’ll be alone in my apartment about to enjoy a tasty half rack of ribs leftover from…
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman Aniya Searle is sadly spending her Valentine’s Day without a significant other with whom to have an argument, several very…
SALT LAKE CITY — Your mom just wanted to let you know today that a single, 22-year-old nurse just started working full-time with her at…
NYACK, N.Y. — Two desperate singles ignored glaring red flags on their Tinder date early this week after discovering that they share the same favorite…
DEARBORN, Mich. — The Black Keys held a press conference at Ford Motor Company headquarters earlier today, announcing that their upcoming single would skip their…
CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
TUCSON, ARIZ. — Aging punk John “The Don” Bergeron excitedly eyed a single, empty chair during a show at McCluskey’s Saloon last Friday evening, several…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local woman Katherine Montgomery was visibly shaken last night when her date took off his shirt, revealing a fresh tattoo of the…