PITTSBURGH — A local bouncer at the popular nightclub Shotbar manned his post last night with the adamant mindset to keep the COVID-19 Delta Variant…
LOS ANGELES — Local man Peter Thurman is pretty certain nobody can tell he frequently uses his COVID mask as a cloth napkin for yet-to-be…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local aging punk Adrian Cox, once known for outlandish behavior like snacking on shattered light bulbs, refused an hors d’oeuvre at a…
SIMI VALLEY, Calif. -— Punk sommelier and founder of Rotten Grape Vineyards, Terry “Tooth” Berkley recently shouted that the only good pairing is whippits and…
HENDERSON, Nev. — A local punk found dead under an overpass with no phone or ID was quickly identified by friends after they recognized her…
UKIAH, Calif. — Local showgoer Ernie Morales lamented the fact he is almost certainly contracting the coronavirus delta variant while attending an avant-garde noise show…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local man and filthy roommate Mickey Bedford was caught running the sink for a few short seconds on Tuesday evening in…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
MINNEAPOLIS — Unvaccinated couple Chris and Hannah Davidson excitedly shared the results of their latest COVID tests at a massive variant reveal party with family…
THORNVILLE, Ohio — Local Juggalo Andreas “Wicked Kush” Fleming is ignoring all CDC recommendations while attending this year’s Gathering of the Juggalos and choosing to…
Prepare to have your faith in humanity restored! When neighbors found out that 87-year-old Sacramento resident Robert Manzana needed help to pay for his insulin,…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar and three beers before attending…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
MADISON, Wis. — An audience at a local coffee house performance art event this past weekend was disappointed when the headliner, Indigo Starr, was unable…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…