Son, I will not be mailing your Christmas wishlist to the North Pole this year, please have a seat. Over the years your mother and…
These days, it seems like division is ingrained into the very fabric of our society. Whether it’s politics, religion, or even sports fandom, the possibility…
NEW YORK — The legal team representing former president Donald Trump, currently on trial for alleged hush money paid to pornstar Stormy Daniels, entered piles…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
CHICAGO — Local goth couple Caleb and Adrienne Simmons recently decided to break the news to their children that Jack Skellington is not real, sources…
So you’re unemployed for the holidays. Bummer. You might be starting to wonder how you’re going to afford Christmas gifts this year. I mean, you…
Well, Christmas is almost here and that means two things: You really want to get a PS5 this year, and your drinking is out of…
BREMERTON, Wash. — A local goth family left out the traditional offering of a full glass of hamster blood and a sacrificed lamb for folklore…
It was 1:30 am when I heard a familiar thump in the night. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and, Teddy Bear in…
DALLAS — Patrons of the NorthPark Center believed they witnessed a Christmas miracle when a mall Santa with a very prominent Pantera tattoo refrained from…
The lamestream media will try to convince you that the War on Christmas is a bunch of made-up right-wing propaganda meant to stoke political division…
Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, all the world over! Though America undeniably has the best version of Baby Jesus’s birthday, it…
BOULDER, Colo. — Potheads across the country are leaving out Funyuns and Shasta for the weed delivery guy as he brings marijuana to all the…
Christmas is right around the corner, and we all know what that means: An uncomfortably voluminous amount of new holiday movies from the Hallmark Channel.…
Did you hear the news? Santa Claus is coming to town! For most, that means putting out the cookies and milk and eagerly awaiting his…