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Goth Family Leaves Out Hamster Blood and Sacrificed Lamb For Krampus on Christmas Eve

BREMERTON, Wash. — A local goth family left out the traditional offering of a full glass of hamster blood and a sacrificed lamb for folklore legend Krampus on Christmas Eve, sources who didn’t know what to do with that information confirmed.

“It’s a tradition that spans nearly centuries that we only found out about three months ago from a Buzzfeed article titled ‘10 Things I Didn’t Know About Krampus and Now I’m Literally Obsessed,’” said Lavinia Abrams while hanging fishnet holiday stockings on the mantle. “Sure, the stench of warm critter blood and rotting flesh makes it so it’s nearly impossible to sleep, and the swarms of fruit flies and freshly spawned maggots make cleanup a total nightmare, but that’s just what the Krampus spirit is all about. We might actually stop the tradition pretty soon though since our kids no longer believe in Krampus. They grow up fast, don’t they?”

Krampus himself did not seem all that surprised by the gesture.

“To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of eating the same exact thing this time of year, but these homes go through all that trouble of draining rodents and slaughtering farm animals for little old me that I have no choice but to take a quick swig and taste. I would never want to come across as rude,” said the cloven-hooved and horned being. “I may get a bad rap for absolutely terrifying children during the holiday season and even stuffing them into a large sack to prove a point, but these little acts of kindness from homeowners give me the strength to continue my duties throughout the night. It’s the most wonderful time of year after all.”

Experts were quick to point out other lesser-known and forgotten traditions.

“Humans love a good annual tradition no matter how far-fetched the routines surrounding it may be,” said local sociologist Graham Castaway. “Not many know this, but before the Easter Bunny was popularized, we used to have an Easter Fire-Breathing Dragon. Parents would leave out baskets full of melted chocolate and burnt treats for their children and during the day they’d go on an Easter Dragon Egg Hunt. Unfortunately, the eggs were six feet tall so they were pretty easy to find. That’s when they made the switch to the Easter Bunny. Smart move by all accounts.”

In related news, the goth family continued their tradition of elf skeletal remains on the shelf.