BALTIMORE — British death metal titans Carcass are reportedly accepting cash, card, and medical specimens in exchange for merch at their live shows, mildly nauseated…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local man Collin Pike very briefly filled the gaping hole of emptiness in his life by impulsively buying a band shirt he…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local guitarist Sebastian Melendez purchases the most inexpensive PA at his regular music equipment store following a detailed, four-hour description of every…
KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo has reportedly entered a full state of panic with executives blindsided after Microsoft announced that it had acquired Luigi. “How is…
WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Disgruntled, maskless consumer Rod Shockley was seen outside a local supermarket yesterday asking customers complying with the store’s mandatory mask policy to…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local Guitar Center sales associate Dan Shin deemed a customer’s routine purchase “pretty sick” earlier this week, sources close to the enthusiastic…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of…
DENVER — DIY zinester and sticker fanatic Peter Binder shelled out $1,200 on another laptop this week after running out of room for new stickers…
CHICAGO — Local record collector Toni Joyce organized her extensive vinyl collection yesterday by whatever basic life necessity the money spent on the record should…
BOSTON — Local woman Karen Peters was disappointed and annoyed Monday afternoon by Thomas Fisher, her long-time boyfriend, who responded in the affirmative to a…
WASHINGTON — Wealthy national pariah Martin Shkreli purchased legendary post-hardcore band Fugazi late last week and immediately inflated ticket prices for any future shows to…