ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar and three beers before attending…
TOKYO — Trash stacking Olympian for Team USA, and resented roommate, Erica Forman qualified for the Tokyo 2020 finals of Stacking Trash On Top of…
Oh boy, I’m really in some hot water now. The entry for this show was either cash or canned food donations so I, of course,…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local roommate Sarah Dillard shared a subtly-titled playlist with her housemates hinting that everyone except her move out of their Carytown apartment,…
SEATTLE — Amazon Prime Air UAV Drone #434001 was written up by its supervisor for taking a three minute refueling break during hours that it…
BALTIMORE — Members of local punk band Slip and Fall realized they’d neglected to tell their bassist they’d voted him out of the group weeks…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Punk legends and cartoon mascot enthusiasts Descendents released a new album titled “9th & Walnut” featuring 12 never-before-released songs, each of…
NEW YORK — Lifelong city resident Danny Rossi started a campaign early this week denouncing the legitimacy of a city rat that would prefer Chicago…
DALLAS, Penn. — A recent board game night hosted by small town resident Curly P. Johnson evolved with alarming ease and fluidity into a full-on…
PALMDALE, CA — Customers and baristas of The Catalyst Coffee Shop were shaken to their core Sunday afternoon when sick fuck Andrew Murphy ordered an…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Longtime “Jackass” fan and father of three, Kyle McGarvin, believes he is finally mature enough to recreate some of the show’s most…
PORTLAND — Ardent leftist and Socialist Rifle Association member Jamie Stoltz was hospitalized after severely damaging her tongue by biting it for an entire day…
CASPER, Wyo. — Jimmy Santiago, lead guitarist of local extreme metal act Necrosticide, called in his older brother George for assistance nailing a spectacularly difficult…
So, you’re on a date with a band dude you met at a show. Nice! Well, almost. See, you’re trying to have a romantic night…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…