Your Weekly Hardcoroscopes
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Aries (March 21 - April 19) There’s no faster way to an Aries’ heart than a well-timed compliment. You know…
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Tag: punk
7681 stories found
Child of Rockabilly Couple Constantly Wondering What the Fuck Is Going On
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CLEVELAND — Local child Dixie “Shortcake” Ross was utterly bewildered this week when her first day of kindergarten revealed a…
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Wife of Man Who Started Midlife Crisis Band Wishes He’d Just Had an Affair
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ALLEN, Texas. — Annette Martin is allegedly tired of her husband’s foray into live music as a band-aid for his…
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Wife of Man Who Started Midlife Crisis Band Wishes He’d Just Had an Affair
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ALLEN, Texas. — Annette Martin is allegedly tired of her husband’s foray into live music as a band-aid for his…
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Axl Rose Sprints Across Stadium After Show to Work Merch Booth
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MOSCOW — Guns ‘N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose was seen sprinting the length of Otkritie Arena last night to help…
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$167 Concert Ticket Comes With Free Commentary From Guy Behind You
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ALLENTOWN, Pa. — A special, VIP ticket package to attend Ozzy Osbourne: No More Tours 2 includes running commentary from…
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Report: This Machine Avoids Eye Contact with Fascists
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DAVIS, Calif. — Guitarist of Native Weeds, lifelong fan of Woody Guthrie, and avowed anti-fascist Benjamin Spelling showed his displeasure…
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Blogger Smirks at Laptop
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Recent trust-fund recipient and part-time blogger Nick Headon reportedly smirked yesterday while vigorously typing on his brand…
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Marilyn Manson Gets Spine Removed to Eat His Own Ass
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LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that…
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Neck Tattoo Actually Best Part of Punk’s Job Interview
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BALTIMORE — Local punk Rick Blairowitz blamed his prominent neck tattoo for his inability to be hired, despite it being…
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