Look, I can go back to playing in a band whenever I want, OK? Sure, maybe being the lead singer of Crucial Logic wasn’t covering…
INDIANAPOLIS — A secret show last Tuesday at local DIY venue The Outhouse plagued by violent moshing, clouds of firework smoke, and outraged neighbors would…
BOSTON — Hapless rugby coach Roy Walker has molded a group of aggressive hardcore kids and their raw, unfettered mosh pit tactics into potential rugby…
PORTLAND, Maine – Prominent music critic Harry Garcia-Adams successfully used the word “angular” in a new and exciting way in his review of Matrimony Castle’s new self-titled…
BALTIMORE — Local record store owner Dawn Rawlings is starting a needle exchange program for vinyl addicts, hoping to contain the audiophilia epidemic ravaging her…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Drivers stuck in traffic on Interstate 4 have expressed that the accident had “damn well better be worth the wait,” reports have confirmed. “Oh,…
SEATTLE — A scheduled performance by Father John Misty was canceled last night after the singer began a long rant which culminated with him disappearing…
NEW YORK — Local musical improv troupe Songtaneous Combustion bombarded a bewildered crowd at Lantern Pizza on Tuesday night with an irreverent hour of “extremely…
BOSTON — MIT janitor Will Chase is allegedly brilliant at mathcore, according to university staff members who caught him secretly playing deeply complex guitar riffs…
CHICAGO — Aging punks Paul Schiffer and Jessica Hernandez believe their sex life has become stale, following their most recent “routine and lackluster pounding” in a…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Rapper Vince Staples was forced to change his moniker to Vince OfficeMax after the completed merger of Staples and Office Depot…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
NEW YORK — After a long battle with apathy, local musician Peter Costello was forced to put his pet project VeRu to rest earlier today.…
BALTIMORE — Promoters of the Dollops of Doom festival canceled the three-day music event at the last minute after weather reports confirmed sunny skies and…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Part-time Arby’s fry cook Marty Pitts recently asked coworker Clint Kettering if fronting local metal band Intoxicunt is as lucrative as Pitts…