Cory Cousins
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DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons,…
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Cory Cousins
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SACRAMENTO, Calif. — 26-year-old pop-punk frontman Derrick Ford hit his breaking point last week while tutoring his 17-year-old girlfriend Madison…
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Tom Peters
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ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local concerned citizen Rob Cinyek is providing a detailed play-by-play account of last night’s protests against racial…
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James Webster
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COLUMBUS — Local 7th grader Theo Hansen was shocked to learn that he had been added to the national terrorist…
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Lauren Lavín
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CHICAGO — A small group of household objects joined together last night to escape an impending and prolonged fucking by…
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LOS ANGELES — Legendary pop-punk trio Blink-182 surprised fans by dropping a new, politically-charged single about meeting the girl of…
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Doug Francisco
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NEW YORK — NYPD officer Carson Boucher could not record his wife giving birth to their first son last night…
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Caroline Smith
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WASHINGTON — In an effort to bring jobs back home to the U.S., President Trump ordered soldiers enlisted in the…
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Salim Alam
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MINNEAPOLIS — Local cop and bland-tasted white guy Cody Anderson admitted earlier today that, despite his general aversion to any…
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LOS ANGELES — Startling new models released today predict a massive spike in potential lovers subjecting their first dates to…
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