ROANOKE, Va. — Self-described anarchist and tabletop gamer “Grimey” Grady Cook stunned his gaming group earlier this week with his “surprisingly strict” enforcement of the…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A senseless crowd killing incident late last night during a heavy breakdown left six people severely annoyed, according to multiple eyewitnesses. The bothersome…
DENVER — The pit at famed punk venue The Safe Room was packed with teary-eyed loved ones and well-wishers on Thursday night, as the flayed…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 33-year-old Seth Bourne is completely unable and unwilling to buy any shoes that are not specifically designed for skateboarding, according to concerned…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crustie Dylan Waters was asked to hold his pose for “just a little bit longer” while a portrait artist added the…
QUANTICO, Virginia — Chicago is officially the most dangerous band in America, due to numerous instances of “friendly fire” roadie deaths, drive-by tour bus shootings,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An unsolicited rubbing of the arm of local woman Sarah Collins early yesterday evening confirmed her three tattoos as “100 percent authentic,”…
CLEVELAND — Touring roadie Russ Little made $40 last night simply by standing near the entrance of a free show held at local venue The…
BROOKLYN — A neighborhood garden has been left to the elements a full 60 days ahead of projections in a “triumph of underachievement,” according to…
MONTREAL — Canadian indie-rock icons Arcade Fire are planning to layoff 400 nonessential members by 2021 due to budgetary cutbacks, according to leaked internal memos.…
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — A group of vacationing Australian koalas visited a hardcore sanctuary last week to take photos of the local DIY wildlife, according to…
SEATTLE — A local couple expecting their first child began to baby-proof their lifestyle earlier this month, requiring major alterations to their array of facial…
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Local women found conclusive evidence that God doesn’t know what they want, sources confirm, based on the existence of Chad Tuckers, the…
SEATTLE — The stages at this summer’s Warped Tour will be placed 100 feet away from the all-ages audience in order to comply with national…
Ed Wolfe is the world’s first poser. In the late ’70s he was the first person to pretend to be into punk to seem cool.…