Patrick Crooks
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WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — A burrito purchased at a local 7-11 today was beyond repulsed by the disgusting schlub…
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Kevin Tit
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MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Career landlord and general piece of shit Tyler Simpson was devastated to learn today that he’s also…
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Nick Ortolani
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WASHINGTON — House and Senate Republicans agreed today that, rather than issue additional stimulus payments, Americans would be better off…
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ORLANDO — Local GG Allin impersonator Darius Boone was arrested last week on a slew of charges directly related to…
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Bobby Korec
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HAMPSHIRE, England — Popular singer-songwriter Frank Turner gained 40 extra pounds over the last month to properly play and cover…
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Ben Friedman
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CHICAGO — An Avis car rental in Lincoln Park is trying to send the federal government a $50 cleaning bill…
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PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local tattoo artist Mike Lussier ended his self-imposed quarantine yesterday and debuted a plethora of new upside-down…
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WILMINGTON, Del. — Democratic Presidential frontrunner Joe Biden and his staffers were surprised by the results of a recent COVID-19…
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E.M. Caris
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PAWNEE, Ind. — The small Indiana town of Pawnee became the epicenter of America’s Coronavirus pandemic last week due to…
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John Danek
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ARLINGTON, Va. — Punk lifers Jessica Greene and Mark Wallace set a new standard for punk baby names when they…
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