Punk Tag Archives - Page 414

brat, spoiled, sad, annoying, son, will, inherit

“What Are You Going to Do, Ground Me?” Says 36-Year-Old About to Be Written Out of Will

Patrick Crooks • September 16, 2020

FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the…

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brain, brain implant, AI, technology, U2, album, iTunes, old, annoying

Neuralink Brain Chip Comes Preloaded with Memories of New U2 Record

Louie Aronowitz • September 16, 2020

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk announced today that his startup Neuralink will be able to outfit humans with a brain…

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beer, chips, sad, unhealthy, fattening, diet, alcohol

Report: Five Beers and a Bunch of Chips for Dinner, Again?

Griffin Constant • September 15, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — Local man Ollie Harris forced down another five beers and a bunch of chips moments ago in an…

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Vegan Protester Hit with Pepper Spray Declines Milk

Kevin Tit • September 15, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — Local vegan Courtney Demming was pepper-sprayed by Philadelphia police during a peaceful protest yesterday, but declined the offer…

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MAGA Patriot Stalks Man for Three Miles in Self Defense

Nick Ortolani • September 14, 2020

BEND, Ore. — Armed MAGA patriot Kenneth Carter spent several days last week tracking a man over several miles in…

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ticketmaster, tickets, venue, live music, expensive, scam, bad

Ticketmaster Lobbies Congress to Amend “Save Our Stages” Bill with $790 Million Service Fee

Chuck Kowalski • September 14, 2020

WASHINGTON — Billion-dollar event company Ticketmaster lobbied before Congress yesterday to add a “barely noticeable” $790-million service fee to the…

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bag, plastic, prepared, storage, environment, save

Bag Stuffed Into Bag of Bags

Caitlin Chung • September 13, 2020

GREAT FALLS, Va.— Local dad Nathan Sweeney created a bag of bag of bags, dumping multiple plastic bag-filled bags into…

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asian, actor, movie, expectation, parents, sad, annoying

Asian Actor Pigeonholed in Roles Portraying Occupation Parents Wanted for Him

Steve Yuen • September 13, 2020

IRVINE, Calif. — Conflicted Asian-American actor Francis Chiu credited much of his success today to Hollywood’s typecasting of him in…

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Overheated Hardcore Guy Cuts Off Tattoo Sleeves

Ryan Danley • September 13, 2020

VENICE, Calif. — Local hardcore guy Dan “Nukka” Reilly was rushed to the emergency room with massive blood loss yesterday…

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GWAR Gets Back Wrong Penis Monster Costume from Dry Cleaners

Ramona Apthorp • September 13, 2020

RICHMOND Va. — Heavy metal legends GWAR picked up the wrong penis-clad monster costume from the dry cleaners yesterday in…

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