MESA, Ariz. — Aging punk and once-devoted skateboarder Mike Ireland has only now begun to fully comprehend the implied consequences of his old “skate or…
LAS VEGAS — Legendary rude boy mascot Walt Jabsco, otherwise known as the logo for ska band The Specials, reportedly lost his 200th pair of…
LOS ANGELES — 43-year-old burnout and failure Tom Johnson noted this morning that author Charles Bukowski was 50 years old when his first widely published…
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local Food Not Bombs meetup failed…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local five-piece outfit Brain Pollution have completed their successful transition from forgettable hardcore act into atrocious metal band, disappointing unsuspecting fans throughout…
CINCINNATI — Local band Circus Warfare last week took in their fourth new drummer within the past year, but have yet to name her to…
FAIRFAX, Va. — The NRA condemned New Zealand today as “hypocrites” for failing to crack down on legendary bladed weapons and enchanted objects of immeasurable…
PORT CHESTER, N.Y. — Doom metal band Satan’s Bong asked organizers of the Black Grief Festival if the band had time to perform one more…
MANCHESTER, N. H. — Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders announced today that he is seeking additional staff for his election campaign, looking in particular for…
Dear Scabby: When will YOU come to Brazil? Does Bruno Mars is gay? -ANONYMOUS Dear Anonymous: Why would I pay to go to Brazil when…
ATLANTA — Bassist Adam Frost has joined local metal outfit Niceguy Genocide in a lucrative, two-year deal worth an estimated $100, Frost’s management team confirmed…
MARIETTA, Ga. — Car owner Charlie Simmons admitted today that he swapped out his copy of Belle & Sebastian’s album Dear Catastrophe Waitress for Pantera’s…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Courts ruled today that 32-year-old Justin Evans will be tried as an adult on murder charges despite owning a Line 6 amplifier,…
EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own…
ASHEVILLE, N. C. — Local songwriter-turned-comedian Emmett Buxton’s Moleskine notebook, once used solely for creative purposes, now contains more grocery lists than anything else, apathetic…