ORLANDO, Fla. — Local medical supply salesman Elliot Harrison’s recent haircut was immediately noticed this morning by coworkers with seemingly nothing else to talk about,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening…
TULSA, Okla. — Christian rapper Young Xannah admitted today that the only beef he refuses to “squash” is his ongoing conflict with the act of…
CHULA VISTA, Calif. — Partygoer Todd Horne attempted to engage the rest of the crew moments ago in a round of “Jeff-based shit talk,” despite…
CINCINNATI — A benefit show held last night for St. Therese’s Children’s Hospital failed to raise any monetary funds to donate, but successfully generated over…
NEW YORK — Shortly after telling responding officers they’d never see him again, bank robber Austin Linders embarrassingly found himself last night fleeing the scene…
BANGOR, Maine — Mayor Chesty the French Bulldog enacted a city-wide ban today on fireworks ahead of Independence Day festivities, citing public safety concerns, environmental…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local punk Niles Torsten displayed the “LOV” and “HAT” tattoos on his gnarled fingers last night while warning partygoers about improper…
NEW YORK — The hosts of “Fox & Friends” demonstrated how drinking out of a toilet was “completely normal” on this morning’s broadcast of their…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Patrons of local punk venue The Steel Toe report peculiar, “almost paranormal” happenings in and around the building, which many equate to…
ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — Teenage punk and C+ student Geoff Berger was given a second yearbook photo this week to accommodate his 18-inch high, multi-colored…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Local teenage lifeguard Jeremy Keenum openly wished yesterday that someone at the recreational pool he covers would somehow forget how to swim…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Real-deal, bloodsucking vampire Count Adhemar Chauve-Souris was vehemently dismissed as a poser today by mall goths he was recruiting for his gaggle…
BETHPAGE, N.Y. — Hardcore quartet Breakpunch accidentally created a rift in the Long Island hardcore scene last night by inadvertently covering the entire set of…
LODI, N.J. — A group of neighborhood kids scattered and hid for the rest of the afternoon yesterday after their baseball accidentally smashed “crazy old…