WASHINGTON — Local gamer Stephen Nelson exhaustedly told friends Wednesday night that he is done with participating in the antiquated two-console system forced on him…
ABINGTON, Mass. — A local man’s chances of talking to his parents in a civil manner once again is too early to call as a…
ERIE, Pa. — Local gamer Glenn Rice reportedly purchased both Nate Silver and Nate Gold versions of the 2020 presidential election forecast in order to…
CONSHOHOCKEN, Pa. — Local black metal band Nocturnal Defacement announced their public support yesterday for the “greater of two evils” in the upcoming presidential election,…
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — The coronavirus, the cause of a worldwide pandemic that has killed over one million people thus far, endorsed President Trump…
NEW YORK — A visibly desperate and agitated President Donald Trump loaded his IMI Desert Eagle handgun today and travelled to Manhattan’s 5th Ave. to…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing him in under “president” on…
KEENE, Ky. — Several Keene residents have reported cases of voter intimidation at the small town’s early voting location, noting that the polls are being…
WASHINGTON — Despite many pictures and sources alleging its development, the Trump administration has remained tight lipped about the heavily rumored Melania Series X. “There…
WASHINGTON — Warning his friends and loved ones of the coming weeks and months of uncertainty, local politico Philippe Cruz remarked today that America will…
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump is facing criticism from Democratic leaders after announcing plans to divert funding from the Nintendo Wii’s Everybody Votes channel…
WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league deuce” and clogging the toilet…
WASHINGTON — Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh tried to create a new judicial nomination process yesterday, in which Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s successor will be whoever…
AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be eradicated following the 2016 election…
EL PASO, Texas — Former United States representative Beto O’Rourke announced a new skateboarding video game that lets players collect the letters to spell out…