MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Touring band Dwight Zombie made a last-minute stop in Memphis early yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose of relieving their bowels before…
BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local golden retriever DeeDee is utterly ashamed at owner Ben “Stank Beav” Carlisle’s insistence on dragging his itchy, bare ass on their…
AUSTIN — Turnstile show attendee and guy in a GG Allin shirt Mark Creston was searched by security twice following a fecal matter-related incident at…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Beginner survivalist Ethan Foster quickly forgot which of the two bodily wastes was sterile, piss or shit, while traversing his first expedition,…
NASHVILLE — Local woman and occasional defecator Ingrid Fowler was shocked and alarmed to discover her boyfriend’s bathroom had just a few flimsy strands of…
DENVER — Local man Ian Vernor horrified his roommates yesterday by inauspiciously sniffing his pointer and middle fingers, recoiling in muted disgust, then thrusting his…
Yo, what’s up internet?! It’s about time for an EPIC top 5 countdown about — yup, you guessed it — situations where my IBS was…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Adam Schultz is beginning to regret using one of his three wishes to bring infamous singer GG Allin back to…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local man David Baker’s ever-growing rat tail has reached a length that “definitely soaks it in the toilet bowl when he sits…
That is just disgusting! Who would be so thoughtless as to squirt down a thick, sludgy poop in the corner of the living room that…
WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league deuce” and clogging the toilet…
NEW YORK — Local man David Treyborn realized today, while testing the flow of the new bidet attachment he purchased as a low-waste alternative to…
BERKELEY, Calif. — A small town in the East Bay region of California is still completely devastated and covered in excrement more than 25 years…
Greetings, humans and other sentient creatures of Earth. It is I, Optimus Prime, leader of the heroic Autobots and sworn protector of your planet. Defending…