A great 20th-century philosopher/astronomer once said, “work sucks, I know.” Long hours, stagnant wages, and poor management have left a majority of America’s working-class feeling unable to get the upper hand. However, there is a light in the darkness. Daniel Smith, a local Kroger’s employee, has found a way to beat the system. His strategy to stick it to his employers is simple. He poops every single hour of every single workday.
Sure, we’ve all stolen a few precious moments to deuce on someone else’s time. But this guy has found a way to weaponize it and beat the man at their own game. While his coworkers waste their valuable time hustling to shell out discount groceries, Daniel is hunkered down in his modest two-stall command center with an endless supply of podcasts. He refuses to sacrifice his time when they’re only paying 11 dollars an hour.
And at the end of the day, Daniel clocks out with his head held high knowing that he put in an honest day’s work of not getting pushed around by middle management. With a brain that full and bowels that empty, Daniel could be running his own company one day! Just as soon as he gets his self-caused IBS under control.
We can’t help but see the similarities between Daniel’s stand against capitalism and John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s “stay in bed” protest. Could his bowel movement turn into a labor movement? Only time will tell. Regardless, I think we can all agree that this working-class hero knows where to tell “The Man” to shove his minimum wage, long hours, and “customer is always right” policy: right in the fucking toilet.