Hey Brad, thanks so much for inviting me to your Halloween party! Just a heads up, I am about to really suck the life out…
NEW YORK — Andrew “W.K.” Wilkes-Krier will run for the U.S. presidency in 2020 as a representative of all parties, his campaign strategist confirmed earlier…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — UF sophomore Michelle Stevens claims to have fast traveled to her dorm room after downing a bottle of “Se Tiene Especial” Tequila,…
LOS ANGELES — Described by loved ones as “charismatic,” “fun,” “unpredictable,” and “always the life of the party,” Clark Tomlinson passed away last night at…
IRVING, Texas — The Pizza Time Players, the animatronic band featured for decades at the Chuck E. Cheese arcade and pizza chain, was blacklisted yesterday…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Former crust punk Howie Benson searched in vain earlier today for a way to hide his old, shitty tattoos before a mandatory…
LOS ANGELES — A vintage ’70s-era McIntosh MC2100 tube amplifier, as well as several other priceless pieces of music gear in the residence of Bill…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Punk magician Dakota Fremont finished a trick at a child’s birthday party on Saturday by informing him that Fremont “didn’t give a…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
WASHINGTON — The entire Dischord Records office staff breathed a collective sigh of relief last week after intern Matt Saunder drew Dischord founder Ian MacKaye from…
BOSTON — A college party underwent a sudden change in mood late last night after the host’s iPod Shuffle launched into a lecture by renowned…
ORLANDO, Fla. – Self-conscious punk Walter Vaughn was too embarrassed by winter weight gain and excessive body hair to remove his rebellious outerwear while taking a…
NEW YORK – An aging Andrew W.K. declined a Facebook invite to an ‘80s-themed dance party in Australia early Monday morning, citing a need to…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. – A local house party reportedly turned sour last night, as local man Seth Needham spent the entire night drunkenly slurring apologies for…
WESTBORO, Mass. – According to the latest report from the same person who tells you this every single time, your band’s show tonight will be…