PHILADELPHIA — Highly influential emo band Crowquill reportedly split today after producing just 30 minutes of recorded music and playing two live shows over the…
LOS ANGELES — 35-year-old self-described “Dashboard Confessional superfan” David Calva awoke today to find his male-pattern baldness went into overdrive, leaving his hair everywhere. “The…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this morning instead of the Coors…
NAPA, Calif. — Local woman Amanda Perez believes that, for the first time in her life, she most likely has a decent shot with actor…
LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls, Girls, Girls” after over 30…
OLIVETTE, Mo. — Siblings Freddy and Kevin Rosario have separately come to the unfortunate conclusion that quoting a “Plimpton Auto” ad from 2000 is the…
BOSTON — Recently deceased grandmother Anita Reilly’s bereaved found yesterday a trove of family recipes, including one for a beloved, secret family soup that was…
PARKER, Colo. — Middle-aged CPA Ken Feeney has no idea what to think today after MTV enthusiastically responded to a “humiliating” and “stomach-churning” audition tape…
ATHENS, Ga. — A boomer-aged couple announced today their coordinated effort to vote in the upcoming presidential election for the candidate who appears on TV…
PHOENIX — 45-year-old punk rocker and local senior accountant Danny Rogers was spotted yesterday afternoon circling the “A” on a weekly PNL report during a…
QUEENS, N.Y. — Aging metalhead Greg “Nailgun” Dellarose has replaced the patches on his battle vest with his important, personal health information, including known allergies…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Dying 80-year-old man Rex Titus revealed to friends and family today that, after a decade of battling heart disease, he is still…
LONDON — Heavy metal legends Iron Maiden have launched a limited edition vintage wine, “The Number of the Yeast,” which boasts widely different flavor profiles,…
ST. LOUIS — Local Grandma Delores “Meemaw” Naggi is still trying to recall the name of “the doohickey Mr. So-and-So had” from that totally irrelevant…