Owen Crowlie
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March 25, 2020
Thousands of gamers across the world are providing testimonials accusing Sonic The Hedgehog water levels of giving them lifelong anxiety…
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CARSON, Calif. — Tampa Bay Vipers stand-out kicker Andrew Franks outraged fans and pundits last week after refusing to stand…
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James Knapp
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February 29, 2020
BEL AIR, Md. — A Tinder date between “Bloody” Mary Wolski and certifiable poser Jared VanAuden ended abruptly moments ago…
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Malcolm Whitfield
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February 26, 2020
ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions…
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Issa Diao
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February 20, 2020
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local rapist Kent Mehring once again avoided any consequences for his repeated sexual assaults last week, despite…
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Jimmy Adamson
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February 9, 2020
CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase…
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Ted Pillow
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February 8, 2020
SAN DIEGO — Members of chillwave band Hookah Sesh are engaged in a heated internal struggle to establish the beta…
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Cory Cousins
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February 1, 2020
LAFAYETTE, La. — Local guitarist and misanthrope Jeremy Waggoner joined his friend’s band Punted Child earlier this month to avoid…
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Lauren Lavín
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January 29, 2020
LONG BEACH, Calif. — A controversial report released by The Center for Technology today concluded that “probably like 90%” of…
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Bobby Korec
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January 26, 2020
LOS ANGELES — The winner of the “Best Alternative Music Album” at the 62nd Annual Grammy Awards was allegedly produced…
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