RJ Atkinson
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NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Local doctor, and self-described nihilist, recommended more sleep for better mood, improved brain function, and a…
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Zack Zagranis
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BOSTON — Middle-aged punk Mickey “Goatfucker” Sullivan never thought that swallowing several pills at once would be the most mundane…
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Tim Graham
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KOKOMO, Ind. — Local man Andrew Stoltz succumbed to an illness even though he received multiple positive reassurances online, according…
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Rob Steinberg
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WASHINGTON — Vice President J.D. Vance suddenly woke up from a recurring nightmare in which a minimum wage employee wasn’t…
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Tim Sheard
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NEW YORK — The medical staff at New York Presbyterian Hospital are facing allegations of medical malpractice after a botched…
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David Arriaga
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MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk Buddy Freeman admitted that the pills he steals out of his grandmother’s medicine cabinet used…
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John Danek
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I know that not everyone is going to agree with this decision, but the council of straight edge elders has…
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James Knapp
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SAINT PAUL, Minn. — 37-year-old punk Ronald “Buckets” Drearer grossly exaggerated how much alcohol he regularly consumes in order to…
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Ryan Danley
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Look at Mr. WebMd, acts like such a smarty pants. But let’s get real: you're a one-trick pony. I am…
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Kyle Sekaquaptewa
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SEATTLE — Local woman Rachel Mendoza discovered yesterday that the entire medicine cabinet of adult human and potential partner Ben…
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