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Blood Transfusion Goes Terribly Wrong After Nurses Take Type O Negative Tattoo Literally

NEW YORK — The medical staff at New York Presbyterian Hospital are facing allegations of medical malpractice after a botched blood transfusion because of a patient’s Type O Negative tattoo, confirmed outraged family members.

“What the hell do you expect,” said Brain Gates, a resident nurse working the graveyard shift. “They wheeled the guy in after he totaled his car, and we didn’t have a lot of time to get him patched up. He lost a lot of blood, and he was delirious. When prompted to tell us his blood type, he just kept shouting ‘black, black, black, black, number one,’ and I had no clue what the fuck he was talking about. I saw the Type O Negative logo on his wrist, contacted triage, and they brought up a quart of what I thought was his blood type. Listen, I’m really sorry about all of this, but he’ll probably recover in time. And if he does I’m going to ask him to edit that tattoo so this doesn’t happen again.”

Cunningham’s parents are reeling over the botched procedure, and they believe that Gates should have done a proper line check.

“Roy has all sorts of stupid tattoos, and they’re mostly for bands and comic book shit,” said father Gary Cunningham. “He also has a tattoo for the band Ghost, which I guess we could have taken literally if he didn’t wake up from his fucking coma after the procedure. This kind of lack of attention to detail in the healthcare sector is exactly why this country is going to shit. The only thing they got right with the Type O Negative incident was that the flatline on the monitor had a striking resemblance to the logo.”

Hospital administrator Gail Simmons noted that sometimes mistakes are made in emergency situations.

“Yes, we were wrong to assume Cunningham’s blood type based off of a faded tattoo with bad line work. But when an accident victim is rushed into our section of the hospital, we have to move quickly. When blood loss is already at a critical point, we don’t have time to run all the tests,” said Simmons. “Could we have used better judgment? Yes. But, the harsh reality is that when a patient is convulsing on the floor, and they have a ‘cake and sodomy’ tramp stamp, we sometimes have to assume they’re either in diabetic shock or have something stuck up their ass.”

At press time, HR was spotted asking pressing questions about the new OBGYN’s Infant Annihilator neck tat.