Patrick Coyne
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TACOMA, Wash. — Bassist Todd Francona, recently accused of sexual misconduct by several women, was just happy that his name…
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Dom Turek
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MOAB, Utah — Local woman and alleged 10-year “social smoker” Keria Morley has virtually no known social life outside of…
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John Danek
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CINCINNATI — Friendless, pathetic loser Sonny Robertson attempted to remedy his loneliness yesterday by starting a group text with his…
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Taylor Roebuck
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TACOMA, Wash. — Newlyweds Jane and Dalton Davis opted not to travel home for Thanksgiving, choosing instead to host a…
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Mark Maira
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LOS ANGELES — Industrial rock musician Marilyn Manson is growing increasingly frustrated and distraught over high-profile mass shootings in the…
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Ted Pillow
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CLEVELAND — Lonely divorcée Gary Funk was caressed last night for the first time in years by venue security at…
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John Danek
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PEORIA, Ill. — Local guitarist Matt Carlton asked his Sweetwater sales rep today to be in his wedding as his…
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Louie Aronowitz
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NEW YORK — Singer/multi-instrumentalist Corey Mathis successfully created the illusion of gang vocals last week by re-recording himself dozens of…
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Clothing is thrown carelessly about the room, the floor is littered with empty DVD cases, and every conceivable furniture surface…
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