Dan Kozuh
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September 8, 2021
CHICAGO — Local nonagenarian Horace Miles finally settled on a design for what he would like his first tattoo to…
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Jerrod Kingery
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September 6, 2021
COMMON BEAGLE SMALL INTESTINE — Health authorities called upon legendary white blood cell police officer Osmosis Jones to come out…
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Heather Cook
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September 3, 2021
RALEIGH, N.C. — Local metalhead Damien Walsh is recovering at the Holly Hill Hospital after suffering severe nerve damage in…
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John Danek
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August 31, 2021
LAREDO, Texas — Punk drummer Marcus Flannery shocked the medical and music worlds by giving birth not to triplets as…
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Freelancer
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July 31, 2021
PORTLAND — Ardent leftist and Socialist Rifle Association member Jamie Stoltz was hospitalized after severely damaging her tongue by biting…
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Tiana Miller
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July 30, 2021
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in…
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Dianne Nora
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July 29, 2021
TOKYO — A nurse at St. Luke’s International Hospital in Tokyo comforted a dying COVID patient by showing him the…
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Haylee Maude
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February 8, 2021
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Self-proclaimed “producer” and OSU alum Noah Steele is suing Riverside Methodist Hospital today following the unauthorized removal…
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Michael Luis
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September 27, 2020
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today…
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Patrick Coyne
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August 19, 2020
PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not…
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