Doug Francisco
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June 7, 2019
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while…
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Brendan Krick
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June 6, 2019
LANCASTER, Pa. — Lt. Dale Sherman was reportedly “completely bummed” to be on surveillance detail last weekend at the annual…
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Patrick Coyne
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June 6, 2019
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation…
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Gary Doyle
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June 6, 2019
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A four-year-old golden retriever named Sadie is far and away the most productive member of local…
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Patrick Coyne
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June 5, 2019
PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man…
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Tom Peters
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June 4, 2019
AMHERST, Mass. — Local resident Minkont Cranford stunned his roommates yesterday with his acquisition of an oversized, bulky organ, discovered…
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Mark Roebuck
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June 4, 2019
DETROIT — Avid cannabis consumer Jake Sweeney exploded in rage today after finding a seed in his marijuana for the…
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Ben Friedman
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June 4, 2019
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019…
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Doug Francisco
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June 3, 2019
LOS ANGELES — The artificial intelligence algorithm behind LANDR’s audio mastering service yesterday remastered all songs it received into Chumbawamba’s…
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Bobby D. Lux
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June 3, 2019
EL PASO, Texas — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke faced increased scrutiny from political adversaries yesterday following accusations alleging he…
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