Rose Vineshank
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BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep…
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Brendan Kelly
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DETROIT — Citing growing health concerns, Insane Clown Posse’s Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J announced yesterday the first ever…
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Noah Leavy
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local polyamorous woman Maris Seitman is now well aware of the misstep she made when choosing to…
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Krissy Howard
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NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying…
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BOULDER, Colo. — Local crust punk Aaron Beckman compromised his health this week when his self-made coronavirus facemask inadvertently exposed…
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Jonah Nink
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CHICAGO — A panel of experts practicing social distancing across the country are reeling today, following the discovery that it…
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MADISON, Conn. — Local dad Elliot Chapman announced today that, in addition to keeping six feet of physical distance to…
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ALBANY, N.Y. — Local promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham stole a substantial portion of his daughter’s cereal this morning to help…
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Jerrod Kingery
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BURBANK, Calif. — Production on the FOX reality show “LEGO Masters” was halted indefinitely today after some asshole stuck all…
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Noah Leavy
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SALT LAKE CITY — Longtime Imagine Dragons fan Katie Graham celebrated her 11th birthday this week with a dull celebration…
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