LAWRENCE, Kan. — Former merch guy Josh Hall is slowly adjusting to his new life in Lawrence, Kan. after being accidentally left at a gas…
BELLFLOWER, Calif. — Action movie star Vin Diesel surprised fellow Los Angeles County DMV patrons with a full-day appearance earlier this week, where he was…
TRONDHEIM, Norway — Norwegian customs officials detained U.S. black metal band VVulfblud during their Scandinavian tour for not having any weapons on their persons whatsoever,…
INDIANAPOLIS — A secret show last Tuesday at local DIY venue The Outhouse plagued by violent moshing, clouds of firework smoke, and outraged neighbors would…
BOSTON — Hapless rugby coach Roy Walker has molded a group of aggressive hardcore kids and their raw, unfettered mosh pit tactics into potential rugby…
PORTLAND, Maine – Prominent music critic Harry Garcia-Adams successfully used the word “angular” in a new and exciting way in his review of Matrimony Castle’s new self-titled…
BALTIMORE — Local record store owner Dawn Rawlings is starting a needle exchange program for vinyl addicts, hoping to contain the audiophilia epidemic ravaging her…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Drivers stuck in traffic on Interstate 4 have expressed that the accident had “damn well better be worth the wait,” reports have confirmed. “Oh,…
SEATTLE — A scheduled performance by Father John Misty was canceled last night after the singer began a long rant which culminated with him disappearing…
NEW YORK — Local musical improv troupe Songtaneous Combustion bombarded a bewildered crowd at Lantern Pizza on Tuesday night with an irreverent hour of “extremely…
BOSTON — MIT janitor Will Chase is allegedly brilliant at mathcore, according to university staff members who caught him secretly playing deeply complex guitar riffs…
CHICAGO — Aging punks Paul Schiffer and Jessica Hernandez believe their sex life has become stale, following their most recent “routine and lackluster pounding” in a…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Rapper Vince Staples was forced to change his moniker to Vince OfficeMax after the completed merger of Staples and Office Depot…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
NEW YORK — After a long battle with apathy, local musician Peter Costello was forced to put his pet project VeRu to rest earlier today.…