DUBLIN — Kevin Shields, lead guitarist and frontman for shoegaze band My Bloody Valentine, is in stable but critical condition this morning after being trapped…
HOUSTON — Drummer Philip McNeill announced earlier today he plans to learn enough conversational Spanish to navigate his band’s entire upcoming Brazilian tour by himself,…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local punk show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham cancelled his teenage daughter’s birthday party this morning due to “pathetically low” advanced ticket sales,…
DALLAS — Huffing aficionado Garrett Brass tactfully broke down for uninitiated newcomers the complexities of a can of spray paint he found in his grandfather’s…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — A recently summoned Death Cab was not intended for Cutie, but actually reserved for a customer named Mark, according to the…
DALLAS — The FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team was condemned by civil liberties advocates today for their “needless use of force” in removing the many-membered music…
LOS ANGELES — Described by loved ones as “charismatic,” “fun,” “unpredictable,” and “always the life of the party,” Clark Tomlinson passed away last night at…
SHEBOYGAN, Ill. — The nation’s radical “alt-center” is aggressively going about their normal day today without interruptions, according to reports from HR departments around the…
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos became the first woman to irreparably damage the infrastructure at Woodrow Wilson High School earlier today, shattering…
HAYDEN, Idaho — Local white supremacist Jeffrey Braun is struggling with being judged for his beliefs and actions over the color of his skin, Braun…
WASHINGTON — A full 100 percent of people in your life and around the country remember that time you accidentally called your teacher “Mom,” a…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Supreme Court yesterday overturned a 2015 law requiring Run the Jewels to perform at every single music festival, according to a…
NEW YORK — A group of middle-aged, financially stable marketers put their differences aside late last night and reunited their old garage brand following a…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Homebrew beer connoisseur Ira Rose succeeded again last week in ranking all local homebrews he tasted from worst to somehow even worse,…
CHICAGO — Pitchfork critic Thomas Coates penned a thorough-yet-harsh critique of his ever-encroaching tinnitus last week, ultimately giving his affliction a mixed review. The 24…