ENTERPRISE, Ala. — Local guitarist and small-town punk Jill Keeley is planning an hours-long drive across state lines today in order to support her local…
RICHMOND, Va. — Small-time weed dealer Joel Dilts confirmed today that he knew the crisp $50 bill he received yesterday from a regular customer for…
HILO, Hawaii — Active volcano Mauna Loa retracted it’s strict “virgins only” policy last week and is now open to accepting sacrifices of people who…
TACOMA, Wash. — The funeral for moderately popular local musician Adam Klein was rather well-attended despite being held on a Tuesday night, sources who waited…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local folk-punk band Monte and the Paupers surprised themselves last week, accidentally booking a gig that would actually pay them for their…
FLATWOODS, Ky. — Local woman and sloppy-wasted friend Kara Stanley offered a play-by-play account moments ago of the “absolute ass-kicking” she would’ve given that dude…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local concertgoer Sam Byrne watched the entirety of Knife Rat’s set last night through the gauged ear of the man in…
HOUSTON — Houston Roughnecks quarterback P.J. Walker turned heel earlier today by hitting several teammates with a steel chair and then ripping off his jersey…
WASHINGTON — Local anarchist and socially awkward person Cynthia Mejia paced outside of The World Bank for nearly two hours this morning, unsure how and…
FOUNTAIN HILLS, Ariz. — Totally jacked local man Chris Wilkins reportedly spent years preparing his body for retribution on his high school bully Darren Tyler,…
DAVIS, Calif. — Heavy metal band Despised Torture performed a destructive and dangerous set yesterday at The Velvet Cow, leaving the venue in disarray despite…
WASHINGTON — Legendary metal band Gwar asked the staff of NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series if “they were ready to get their assholes ripped open”…
LOS ANGELES — Struggling actor Malcolm Richards updated his IMDB profile yesterday to include an appearance in a live Hate5six video featuring the band Fury,…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman and your mom audibly wondered what ever happened to that nice boy you used to fuck, the question coming seemingly…
KOKOMO, Ind. — Straight-faced local man Philip Fleming, who has never received or given a hug in his life, wondered today why society needs a…