Nathan Kamal
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CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate…
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Emma Jonas
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WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden dozed off “for a good thirty or forty seconds” at a lectern while delivering an…
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Nathan Kamal
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SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a…
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Jay Wells L'Ecuyer
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WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in…
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Krissy Howard
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JOHNSON CITY, N.Y. — Local clothes launderer Dee Chanthavong nearly realized his lifelong fantasy of diving headfirst into a pile…
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ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local son Austin Miller was held hostage for nearly 20 minutes this evening amid his father’s annual…
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Bobby Korec
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OLYMPIA, Wash. — Struggling punk band Sucks To Be You revealed that they were at wits’ end after years of…
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Krissy Howard
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Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we look back…
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John Danek
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MANHATTAN, Kan. — The roommates of lifelong punk Herbert “Sloshed” Stevens have learned to whisper and spell out the word…
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Eli Johnson
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NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Jenny Fitzsimmons allowed her husband Alfred to remove the enigmatic green ribbon she’s worn around her…
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