BOSTON — Local woman Anne Deloach is certain the first track from her ex-boyfriend’s latest EP is about her, despite his forgetting her almost immediately…
OXNARD, Calif. — Local gentleman Jay Deme impressed his new girlfriend Lisa Traynor last night by politely opening up a mosh pit for her to…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Chronically unemployed man and frequent HPV spreader Danny Feldman is completely unaware that his last three girlfriends all consider dating him to…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local mother-of-three Melissa Trayne suggested “one photo without the girlfriends” today, implying they may not want some of the women in…
PACIFICA, Calif. — Local boyfriend Sam Logan is “not even close” to providing the frequency, duration, and intensity of Instagrammable moments required to keep his…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Liza Epperson realized yesterday that her new girlfriend, who allegedly described herself as “emo” in her Tinder bio, more closely resembles…
AMARILLO, Texas — Passing over the controller like King Arthur surrendering Excalibur itself, sources report that local hero Lance Mason nobly donned his PlayStation 4…
SAN DIEGO — Local punk Kelsey Hernandez insisted yet again today that her new, non-punk boyfriend is “more of a loose cannon than he appears,”…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Friends of local man Jeremy Torres are unsure if his new girlfriend Laura Kelly is incredibly laid back or in desperate need…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Local libertarian Peter Murphy faced off against and won a rousing debate last night against his radical, left-wing activist girlfriend who doesn’t…
AUSTIN, Texas — All-around nice guy Ken Ludlow has reportedly found himself in another long-term relationship with a woman despite his wanting to “just be…
LOS ANGELES — Johnny “Fire” Ferminelli, the frontman of suburban metalcore band Seasons of Fire, pledged a lifelong commitment to his girlfriend last night, asking…
TULSA, Okla. — Saving Daylight frontman Jason Hill was successfully reunited with his girlfriend Kelsie Tanner late yesterday evening after the 18+ show she was…
Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m an ally, I’m a feminist, and I’m woke. That is why I’m shocked and appalled that I have…