Look I know this pandemic has been hard, I know I’m not alone in the constant anxiety, paranoia, and despair that the COVID-19 Pandemic has…
TUPPER LAKE, N.Y.— A family of raccoons near a campsite in the Adirondack Mountains were forced last night to protect their hard-earned food from a…
PORTLAND, Maine — Portland Police Department Officer Grace Hutchinson somehow fully believes that people have only recently started tampering with her food, snickering sources confirm.…
MARIPOSA, Calif. — A camping trip almost turned tragic last week as militant vegan Sage Hellier nearly died when poisonous berries were the only vegan…
CARY, N.C. — Building on their catalogue of exclusive video games, the Epic Games store announced a multi-billion dollar deal to become the world’s only…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local cop and bland-tasted white guy Cody Anderson admitted earlier today that, despite his general aversion to any seasoning heavier than salt, he…
SYOSSET, N.Y. — Self-described otaku Eric Campbell admitted recently that he only watches anime for their delicious depictions of food, sources confirmed. “I can’t tell…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A grocery store cashier and shopper wordlessly agreed moments ago to re-negotiate an overcharge on bulk beans after the Coronavirus pandemic has…
MIAMI — Restaurant chain Benihana will offer a full hibachi dining experience, including its trademark onion volcanoes, to customers parked curbside in the wake of…
When an algorithm recommended we review 50 frozen pizzas after analyzing a cross-section of our audience, we thought we hit the jackpot. We love pizza,…
BALTIMORE — Local frontman Dave Kuenen of hardcore band Hammer & Nail is under scrutiny today for allegedly cheating on his long-term diet with an…
The planet is dying, ya’ll. If we don’t act soon even the sickest venues will be entirely underwater and/or perpetually on fire. These are the…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Eric Sullivan still eats with his arm around his plate like a hardened, PTSD-suffering prisoner after growing up as the youngest…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sean Schricker was spotted around lunchtime yesterday carrying a bag of food from upscale gas station and quick-service restaurant Sheetz, even…
Going out to eat with friends or family who’ve never worked in food service can be humiliating. As they talk among each other and idly…