Matt Husser
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Ah, the Fourth of July: the day we celebrate George Washington conquering thousands of commies back in biblical times to…
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Sarah Cortina
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CHICAGO — Local pooch Hamburger is reportedly hiding under his home’s kitchen table from Fourth of July fireworks, not due…
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Matt Husser
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Tallahassee Bob here, and it’s with a heavy heart that I have to announce that my beloved Child Casino and…
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B.S. Mitchell
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NEW YORK – The 20th annual Puppy Bowl is expected to open with an elaborate fireworks display which has many…
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Liam Stephenson
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NEW ORLEANS — Local teenager Sam Carter purchased a fully automatic assault rifle after failing to legally obtain fireworks, sources…
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TAUNTON, Mass. — Local maniac and new mother Aidy Simmons is now apparently the foremost expert on health, safety, and…
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James Knapp
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SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while…
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Fourth of July may sound like fun to you. You may be looking forward to barbecuing and busting out your…
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Krissy Howard
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PRINEVILLE, Ore. — Aging punk Jeff Nunes, best known in his hometown for shooting a bottle rocket out of his…
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Collin Brown
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NORTHERN HEMISPHERE — Chaos erupted during a Fourth of July fireworks celebration held by the animal inhabitants of the newly…
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