That’s it: I really didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to take the full Karen approach on this matter. I’ve never publicly put…
This is the loneliest day of my life! I got a very heavy package delivered today. Don’t believe me? It had, not one, but two…
LAREDO, Texas — Punk drummer Marcus Flannery shocked the medical and music worlds by giving birth not to triplets as expected, but rather two dotted…
It’s 2021 and it’s about damn time we feel comfortable discussing our personal traumas. And speaking of 2021, we have yet another universal pain to…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Domino’s Pizza delivery drivers across the country are upgrading their tires to near military-grade 4/20 models for the upcoming cannabis-themed day…
LOS ANGELES — Your scheduled delivery time was delayed this afternoon when FedEx driver Shannon Hunter took your Xbox Series X on a final whirl…
MIAMI — Restaurant chain Benihana will offer a full hibachi dining experience, including its trademark onion volcanoes, to customers parked curbside in the wake of…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk Ciara Reynolds is still perplexed by the tracking status for her package was updated from “delivered” to “stolen” in a…
LOS ANGELES — Morrissey begrudgingly signed for another shipment of Emergen-C early this morning from fans desperately trying to keep the aging performer in good…
MONTCLAIR, N.J. – Eternal bringer of joy and recent vegan convert Kris Kringle ignored countless offerings of milk and cookies and left behind an informative pamphlet…