BALTIMORE — Recently deceased punk Cary Lowery’s will primarily consisted of returning the stolen property he took from his closest friends over the years, confirmed…
PHILADELPHIA — Former President Trump deviated from his prepared talking points to pay tribute to Darth Vader and the countless jobs he created running his…
A month ago today, I was hit by a minivan in a Golden Corral parking lot. A tunnel of white light enveloped me with a…
RICHMOND, Va.— Local man Brent Gould shocked and confused all those in attendance at the funeral of his recently deceased friend when he opened his…
TACOMA, Wash. — Mourners attending the funeral for local goth legend Joshua Proach, also known as Alistair Nightfall, weren’t sure which of the several hearses…
WASHINGTON — President Biden insists he’s not dropping out of the presidential race even though his head was separated from his body in a freak…
Baja Blast Turns to Baja Bummer After Tragic Doritos Locosplosion Causes Nine Dudes To Live No Más
LOS ANGELES — A late-night quest for the munchies turned tragic after a violent Doritos Locosplosion ripped through a Taco Bell causing nine dudes to…
If you’re anything like me, you’ve got a living nightmare of a job that takes every ounce of your being to make it through the…
PEARLY GATES — Legendary musician, producer, and music journalist Steve Albini spent the first few moments of his afterlife ranting about how bad the Smashing…
ARLINGTON, Va. – Executives at Boeing responded to the mysterious death of a second whistleblower by claiming the company has a longstanding policy of only…