Dom Turek
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LUDLOW, Maine — Weeks after Rush Limbaugh’s devastated fans buried him in Pet Sematary hoping to reanimate the polarizing radio…
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Josh Klasco
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DENVER — Local man Matti Mukdam was found dead in his apartment last week, one day after his 30th birthday,…
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Patrick Coyne
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TACOMA, Wash. — Terminal cancer patient Brenda Goff is planning to lay as still as possible after spotting U2’s annoyingly…
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Kyle Erf
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KYOTO, Japan — A Nintendo press release has revealed that after decades of work as video games’ most iconic mascot,…
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Stephen Bell
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TORONTO — Crust punk Seth Ulrich tragically bled to death yesterday after making the unfortunate decision to floss his teeth…
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Literally A Koala
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HOBOKEN, N.J. — Therapist Brandon Carr wished yesterday that his patient would stop “bringing the vibe down with all the…
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Freelancer
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ATLANTA — Dominique Jones, more popularly known to rap fans as Lil Baby, tragically passed away in his sleep last…
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Amir Adan
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local ghost Cece Quinn is reportedly unreachable unless specifically summoned with a name-brand Ouija board, and promises…
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John Dixon
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SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of…
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Patrick Lilly
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ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral for beloved ska frontman Bruce Becker was strangely positive despite the somber occasion, due to…
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