TUCSON, Ariz. — 30-year-old Joann Kim suffered a three-day hangover after walking by the liquor aisle at her local grocery store, solemn sources confirmed. “I…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday party will be BYOB or…
No, I’m not in the middle of another relapse. I’ve simply sat down with my demons and renegotiated some terms. Upon revisiting the terms of…
WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man and guy who “maybe enjoys an occasional drink, no big deal” Dennis Walsh realized yesterday that alcoholism is the only…
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have found a definitive link between…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a DIY venue, according to sources…
CHICAGO — Local man Keith McKenna purchased alcohol for a group of teens last Friday on the condition that they buy him a Hot Topic-exclusive…
All day long I hear people complaining about how bad alcohol is. How it destroys families and makes you shit your pants at your girlfriend’s…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — New reports reveal disturbing details about the non-severity of local sober punk Kevin Tartare’s past relationship with alcohol, causing much disillusion with…
BOSTON — Straight edge scene veteran Jesse Hunter miraculously transformed a simple glass of water into an opportunity for ruthless mocking at a party Saturday…
PHILADELPHIA — Dapper punk Theo Mahan’s preference for high-class mixed drinks has inspired a sophisticated smuggling operation for crafting in-show cocktails, according to sources inside…
DETROIT — A topless Iggy Pop asked a group of teenagers early last night to enter a local convenience store and attempt to purchase a…