PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new report out of Stanford University reported that 70% of the average punk’s hydration is sourced from the melted ice…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
WASHINGTON — Presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris attempted to boost her perception as a “cool aunt” by announcing that if elected she will let junior…
CHICAGO — Punk dad Paul Bourne was briefly overcome by a wave of nostalgia for his reckless life before kids after seeing a carefree man…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local bartender Zack Kenton, 28, reportedly used the same three adjectives to describe at least seventeen of the bar’s signature beers, leading…
BOSTON — Recently sober man, Brad McBride, is consuming non-alcoholic beers with a ruthlessness comparable to the way he used to consume alcoholic beers, worried…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Local stoner A.C. Dermott and alcoholic friend Jessie Brown reportedly met up on Friday to crack a few cold ones and fire…
Too poor to go to the bar but still want to damage your insides slowly with distilled poison? Good News! The liquor store is great…
RICHMOND, Va. — House party attendee Davey Singleton can’t quite put his finger on why the two Wendy’s Baconators and seven beers he consumed in…
MILWAUKEE — Legendary beer brand Pabst Blue Ribbon made the bold decision to rebrand their classic lager as a bread-flavored hard seltzer after reviewing recent…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Local dive bar Bog Hill, an establishment notorious for over-serving customers, fights, and unsanitary conditions, shocked regulars and locals alike by rebranding…
DETROIT — Frustrated wife Hannah Gerhardt figured out how to install a breathalyzer on her husband’s acoustic guitar which would keep the hardshell case locked…
REHOBOTH BEACH, Del. — A local woman’s conversation with friends was disrupted by a man who stormed across the bar to correct a statement she…
SALEM, Mass. — Local flea market patron Harold Barnes met a genie who asked if it could bum three wishes off him after he rubbed…
The two most badass words in Rock ‘n Roll: Lemmy. Kilmister. Hell, the man’s given last name is already cooler than any nickname you or…