Being a musician isn’t as glamorous as Hollywood will have you believe. It’s not all overnight success and invulnerability to lethal amounts of cocaine. You…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Hundreds of metalcore bands were seen scurrying off in different directions in a local factory late yesterday evening after night watchman Bill…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 30-year-old and former band girlfriend Jenna Nuccio was delighted to realize yesterday that she’s finally aged out of dating local musicians,…
CROTON-ON-HUDSON, N.Y. — Robby Danter, bassist and devoted member of local band The Tennis Court Oath for the past six years and counting, is optimistic…
Everyone says how long 2020 has felt, but it seems to have gone by in a flash when it comes to listening to new music.…
DENVER — Local 39-year-old Justin Shaffer is struggling to describe his favorite band without using the often-maligned word “emo” to describe them, despite that being…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Charlie Miller made the bold decision today to only listen to canceled bands on Spotify in order to keep from…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Drummer Aaron Kelmer delayed the photo shoot for his band Baskerville today by insisting on posing alongside bandmates while holding his entire…
Conventional wisdom says that your outer appearance should give off some serious upward mobility vibes. That’s why I dress as if I were in one…
CINCINNATI — Devoted “Deadhead” Mason Print simply does not understand that other bands besides The Grateful Dead exist, despite numerous efforts to introduce him to…
MANCHESTER, N.H. — Democratic Presidential candidate Andrew Yang explained his promise to ensure Universal Basic Exposure to every band in America at the Democratic debate…
BALTIMORE — Self-proclaimed “scene king” Stephen Fernandez sent an event invite for an upcoming show to his recently deceased friend’s Facebook profile “just to be…
BEIJING — Chinese punks were astonished today after their government officially repealed the long-standing policy of penalizing citizens who play in more than one band,…
HATTIESBURG, Miss. — Local poser Justin Lindsey listed several brands of protein bars last night after multiple members of the hardcore scene asked him to…