Chewing your fingernails is a disgusting habit and there’s no better time to kick your lingering vice than right now. In fact, it’s much easier…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local punk Abigail Burton was forced to confront the ways her listening habits reflect her deeply pathetic personal life after a white…
Depression is a real buzzkill. Or a buzz inducer if you self-medicate with alcohol like I recently had to stop doing. Constantly bottoming out aside,…
I’ve always found it strange that people need a device to beep them awake. Partially because that sounds like such a harsh way to start…
CHANDLER, Ariz. — A local mom was seen screaming her regrets and frustrations into a decorative throw pillow that read, “Family is Forever,” reported a…
Okay now just relax. I want you to close your eyes, inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and exhale…
RUCKERSVILLE, Va. — Local man Camden Singh had his overall worldview and philosophy shattered then reformed no less than six times while using social media…
The history of socialism is a history of struggle. Since Bernie Sanders invented the idea around 2015, socialists everywhere have been fighting the good fight…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local sad sack Jarvis Palmer recently deleted all of his social media accounts and now spends most nights at his local grocery…
LANSING, Mich. — 14-year-old goth Sarah Marpa suffered a series of horrendous nightmares after watching lighthearted rom-com “The Wedding Singer” with her parents, confused family…
MEDFORD, N.Y. — Local Gmail inbox peruser Maiya Sollecito took the decidedly more convenient approach to dealing with undesirable emails by deleting them every day…
Looking for the perfect East Coast destination for your next panic attack? Look no further than this ranked list of East Coast cities that have…
PHILADELPHIA — Shiko Dikaoni fell to pieces after glimpsing their reflection in the mirror in the middle of the night when getting up to pee…
What the hell are you talking about?! My self-care cannot be self-harm. That would be impossible. Nobody cares more about me than me. Look, you…
SEATTLE — Overambitious elder millennial Janine Angler was released from the hospital yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery after standing at the…