LOS ANGELES — An anxious Travis Barker reportedly did not quite know what to do or where to put his drumsticks while trying to maintain eye contact during conversation, sources confirmed.
“He almost took one of my fucking eyes out,” said Dan Wetherman while attempting to avoid staring directly at the sticks. “He was twirling those things in his fingers during our entire conversation about my demo I was trying to hand him. I asked him if he wanted to check it out right now. He softly said something unintelligible, and then he just kind of started bashing the nearest surface with his sticks. I asked him to stop using them because they were distracting, but he pretended not to hear me, I think.”
Barker reportedly didn’t even realize the severity of the issue.
“I don’t even register that I’m doing it, and I’m not really sure what to do. I feel so naked when I’m not playing percussion,” said Barker while counting his tattoos to make sure they were all still there. “You know how some people bite their nails? Well, I gotta go rat-a-tat-tat with my drumsticks or I don’t feel like myself. It’s sort of like my version of a stress ball, except it seems to stress out everyone around me. I’m working on getting better though and I’m down 100 bpms from last week, so that’s a start.
Many closest to Barker admitted to knowing about his “anxiety drumming” for many years.
“That man hasn’t had a normal conversation in about 20 years. I think he even sleeps with those drumsticks,” said longtime friend and bandmate Mark Hoppus. “I’ve known Trav for years and I don’t know if will ever stop. Even the band couldn’t get him to quit playing drum fills during band meetings. And dude, we tried everything; hiding his drumsticks, putting mittens on his hands during important band conversations, and even covering his drumsticks in hot sauce, but he would always just suck it off and keep drumming. That’s why he’s a legend, I guess.”
At press time, Barker was seen carrying around an entire snare drum to avoid playing with his sticks during conversation.