Jon Swihart
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Listen pussies, I’m not going to “tone down” my drinking just because you claim I have a problem. Sure, my…
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Patrick Coyne
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ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Perpetually pie-eyed local man Dominic “Mitch” Wozinski was invited last night by expectant parents Christine and…
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Nicholai Roscoe
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Friends of Terence Hart report today that his knack for ruining parties with his alcoholism has transitioned…
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Tim Nash
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Look, I get it: January is a time for fresh beginnings, exciting challenges, and character building; a time to evaluate…
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V.F. Thompson
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All too often, health gurus and ex-partners will tell you that guzzling an endless stream of low-quality lager is incompatible…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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Listen up, we all know the rules of being straight edge. No tobacco, no drugs, and no alcohol… through your…
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Andrew Murphy
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BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have…
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James Knapp
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Recently, we here at The Hard Times have been going through some pretty… well, hard times. Fortunately, the bartender at…
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Sari Beliak
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CHICAGO — Your friend from out of town is gearing up for a real whirlwind of activities this weekend, and…
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POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night…
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