Whenever I have important life decisions like this “u up” text I have ready to fire off to my ex, I make sure to consult…
LOS ANGELES — Nü-metal darlings Limp Bizkit have worked with a local distillery to release their own exclusive, officially-licenced Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog-flavored vodka,…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Conestoga Distillery, the makers of popular new Vulture Rye whiskey, have disrupted the market by selling their product in the least-efficient bottle…
CHICAGO — Local straight edge man Rodney Palmer woke up mortified this morning after realizing he’d broken edge while blackout drunk the night before, sources…
Music journalism is an immersive endeavor. In order to keep up with what’s happening we at The Hard Times go to shows constantly. This rock-solid…
Negative self-talk is a dangerous cycle. Our thoughts affect our actions so when all our thoughts are negative, it can lead to destructive choices. For…
LANSING, Mich. — Local 13-year-old Malcolm Woods’ attempt at drunken debauchery last night ended in disappointment after realizing the bottle of vodka he stole from…
Listen pussies, I’m not going to “tone down” my drinking just because you claim I have a problem. Sure, my bar-top dancing got us kicked…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Perpetually pie-eyed local man Dominic “Mitch” Wozinski was invited last night by expectant parents Christine and Sam Pinner to unwittingly test…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Friends of Terence Hart report today that his knack for ruining parties with his alcoholism has transitioned into ruining parties with his…
Look, I get it: January is a time for fresh beginnings, exciting challenges, and character building; a time to evaluate the person you have been…
All too often, health gurus and ex-partners will tell you that guzzling an endless stream of low-quality lager is incompatible with healthy living. I’m here…
Listen up, we all know the rules of being straight edge. No tobacco, no drugs, and no alcohol… through your mouth. But I’ve recently come…
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have found a definitive link between…
Recently, we here at The Hard Times have been going through some pretty… well, hard times. Fortunately, the bartender at our favorite speakeasy, The Crusty…