Listen up, we all know the rules of being straight edge. No tobacco, no drugs, and no alcohol… through your mouth. But I’ve recently come…
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have found a definitive link between…
Recently, we here at The Hard Times have been going through some pretty… well, hard times. Fortunately, the bartender at our favorite speakeasy, The Crusty…
CHICAGO — Your friend from out of town is gearing up for a real whirlwind of activities this weekend, and emailed earlier today to let…
POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night during his roommate’s 21st birthday…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Rooney’s Tavern resident sad guy John Russo is reportedly nothing more than a lonely, pathetic alcoholic, despite matching the description of every…
PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a DIY venue, according to sources…
CHICAGO — Local man Keith McKenna purchased alcohol for a group of teens last Friday on the condition that they buy him a Hot Topic-exclusive…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his shit don’t stink” because he…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the fifth sequence of the energy/alcohol…
HORSHAM, Pa. — Local uncle and baby boomer Don Waldemire added the incredibly popular, carbonated alcoholic beverage White Claw today to his ever-growing list of…
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — The hardcore band Gout prepared for their show tonight with their new tradition of drawing straws to determine who will drink and…
Friends are arguably just as, if not more, important than family. A bond thicker than blood. They’re there for us during the best and worst…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer…
Some people are able to drink in moderation. I’ve been told, on many occasions, that I am certainly not one of those people. So much…