DES MOINES, Iowa — A new poll shows Kamala Harris’ lead over Donald Trump nearly doubled after telling rallygoers that her favorite Slipknot album was by far “Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses),” campaign officials confirmed.
“Boy do I love this album, Doug and I used to listen to it on repeat when we first started dating so it reminds me of a simpler time. Musically it’s their most cohesive album socially and those quieter acoustic moments really make songs like ‘Pulse of the Maggots’ hit even harder. That was also my favorite lineup too, I mean Joey Jordison was the best, right folks?” said Harris. “As president, I will sign the ‘Virus of Life Act’ which will ensure the album is released as a 20th anniversary double vinyl deluxe record with the Japanese bonus track. And you better believe it’ll be pressed right here in Iowa, because a record this fucking heavy should be made right here in the USA.”
Iowans who’d been on the fence about the election candidates admitted Harris’ endorsement was a welcome surprise.
“I was leaning towards Trump because of his immigration policies, Iowa is just a mere 1,200 miles from the Mexican after all. Not to mention I’ve never voted for a Democrat so I was shocked when she name-dropped ‘The Subliminal Verses’ because you better fucking believe that’s my favorite album too. The way she weaved the lyrics of ‘Duality’ into her plan for taking on price gouging sold me all the way,” said Cedar Rapids resident Shawn Willis. “While I have my doubt’s she’s ever listened to the album at full volume while crushing a 30-rack of Coors in a barn with the boys, I’ve never heard Trump mention nu metal in any capacity, and I don’t think that’s someone I can trust.”
After the release of the new polls, Trump campaign staffers were in full panic mode.
“We got completely blindsided by this one. Shouldn’t it be Slipknot endorsing her and not the other way around? I told Donald a thousand times, along with denying knowledge of Project 2025 and knowing Epstein, to bring up Iowa bands other than Stone Sour. And that’s on top of him being oblivious to Corey Taylor being in the band too,” said strategist Paul Hemsworth. “She’s basically locked up the white male millennial demographic and we’re not gonna come close. Maybe if we have him name drop the Everly Brothers we can hope to still secure the boomers.”
Harris’ favorability increased further after husband Doug Emhoff was seen leaving a local record store and proudly showing off a copy of “Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat.”