FALL CITY, Wash. — Local punk Todd McCloud took the annual purge, allowing humanity to succumb to its most criminal desires for a single day,…
ADDISON, Ill. — Former student Francis “Frankie” Murray received an honorary GED yesterday from the administration of Addison Trail High School, celebrating 20 years since…
ATLANTA — The Weather Channel delighted its fans early this morning by announcing their eagerly awaited 2019 hurricane lineup, setting off a flurry of excitement…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman Estelle Gladstone survived another night in her battle with cancer yesterday, therefore completely blowing the perfect memorial tattoo idea her…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Undercover police officer and avowed Dropkick Murphys fan John McMullin made a sudden and brutal arrest of a single mosher during a…
LOS ANGELES — Scientists warn that, without decisive and immediate action, California could become the topic of all songs by the year 2050, according to…
OAK RIDGE, Tenn. — The Doomsday Clock, a graphical representation of humanity’s impending doom, moved forward to 11:59:59 p.m. last week in anticipation of Louis…
Dear Scabby: Just a quick question for you. I feel really lost and out of place in college, and I don’t know how much longer…
PORTSMOUTH, Va. — 24-year-old metalhead Jim Rainer expertly passed himself off as a middle-aged dock worker yesterday, without any additional effort, for a free ride…
PHOENIX — City officials unveiled today a new series of homelessness deterrent spikes, created to discourage people from sleeping in doorways and bus stops around…
MONTREAL — Adult entertainment company Brazzers’ Blowhemian Rhapsody, a “porn parody” of the Academy Award-winning Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, is being hailed by fans and…
I love Game of Thrones so obviously I’m a huge fan of sprawling, borderline incoherent epics featuring multiple installments of varying quality. This is why…
VERO BEACH, Fla. — Groom-to-be Anthony Minor realized last week that he has no idea what his close friend’s real first name is, second-hand-embarrassed sources…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Married couple Jennifer Schultz-Markakis and Dwayne Markakis are now using an underutilized set of nipple clamps to keep a bag of sour…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Alec Bayliff wore his finest Philadelphia Flyers jersey to his arraignment this morning to face his most recent charges for grand…