SEATTLE — Competitive barista Boris Demman was rushed to the emergency room yesterday when a carafe of fresh pourover was dumped over his head in…
Folk punks everywhere can rejoice (and not just because God’s ears are stitches lolol!!!); thirty-year old Nick Peterson finally got kicked out of his parents’…
SEATTLE — Politically correct punk Michael Favata was delighted to learn yesterday that his band’s bassist is currently dating a girl Favata previously hooked up…
MANHATTAN, Kan. — Bleary-eyed local woman Sharon Esses reported this morning that the only consistent part of her bedtime routine is lying awake and contemplating…
WASHINGTON — The heavily anticipated Million Frontman March, meant to promote brotherhood and unity while taking a stand against backstabbing, entered its 17th consecutive day…
DALLAS — Former Shit Scrotum frontwoman-turned-real estate agent Nell Marsh is confident the unfinished basement featured in her latest property listing will be a major…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local punk Philip Allers took advantage of this week’s Black Friday chaos, completing all of his holiday shoplifting at a nearby Target…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — Local punk Joe Ricchio finally bonded with his fanatical sports fan father last week, thanks to the multiple self-inflicted head injuries…
Did you know that most poor neighborhoods have a lead amount of 15 ppb? I don’t know what that means but we need to make…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. — Local guitarist Rochelle Yearwood received an “amazing” coupon this morning, giving her 15% off any product at Guitar Center as long…
ALLSTON, Mass. — David “Big D” McWane, lead singer of Big D and the Kids Table, was asked to dine with the adults today at…
TACOMA, Wash. — Newlyweds Jane and Dalton Davis opted not to travel home for Thanksgiving, choosing instead to host a “Friendsgiving” and incidentally ensuring they’d…