ORLANDO — Disney celebrated the grand opening of its newest park attraction today, consisting of a roped off area in the middle of the Magic…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local over-worked teacher Jason Nance was far more interested in her class’s Career Day presentations than her own students, sources confirm. “Despite…
POCATELLO, Idaho — The boyfriend of long-suffering woman Talia Lefferts reportedly took it upon himself to point out that a funny scene of “This is…
NEW YORK CITY — Self-described classical music aficionado Michael Rangel’s night at the Metropolitan Opera House was met with disappointment after realizing the experience was…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local born again crust punk Richard “Skuz-Dixx” Vanderbilt was recently baptized in sewage after deciding to reenter the Church of Latter-day…
DENVER — Local flight attendant and longtime punk Jules Green held out the mic to a front row passenger during pre-flight announcements for United Airlines…
WASHINGTON — Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed that he could tell a child is unhealthy just by licking them, sources…
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename so-called Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth…
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Iconic ‘80s pop duo Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for their trailblazing work in…
WASHINGTON — President Trump complained that the manual that details how to operate a fascist regime was “boring” due to the lack of images, according…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Michael Murphy, a 43-year-old insurance salesman suffering from shortness of breath, elevated cholesterol, undiagnosed GI issues and high blood pressure, finally…
WASHINGTON — The contest between White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller and YouTube superstar Mr. Beast shows no signs of winding down at…
CHICAGO — Local man Ken Tillman was left in shock and disbelief earlier today after learning his Grok powered AI girlfriend had never seen the…
ST. LOUIS — Local 43-year-old Randall Bakos spiraled into an existential crisis after spotting a bright pink container of Bubble Tape near a CVS cash…
NABLUS, Palestine — Israeli settlers who are illegally stealing land from Palestinians in the occupied West Bank are urging U.S. lawmakers to ship any smallpox-infected…