WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename so-called Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth…
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Iconic ‘80s pop duo Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for their trailblazing work in…
WASHINGTON — President Trump complained that the manual that details how to operate a fascist regime was “boring” due to the lack of images, according…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Michael Murphy, a 43-year-old insurance salesman suffering from shortness of breath, elevated cholesterol, undiagnosed GI issues and high blood pressure, finally…
WASHINGTON — The contest between White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller and YouTube superstar Mr. Beast shows no signs of winding down at…
CHICAGO — Local man Ken Tillman was left in shock and disbelief earlier today after learning his Grok powered AI girlfriend had never seen the…
ST. LOUIS — Local 43-year-old Randall Bakos spiraled into an existential crisis after spotting a bright pink container of Bubble Tape near a CVS cash…
NABLUS, Palestine — Israeli settlers who are illegally stealing land from Palestinians in the occupied West Bank are urging U.S. lawmakers to ship any smallpox-infected…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where the betrothed puts their romantic…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — International pop star Taylor Swift and her fresh football fiancée Travis Kelce publicly announced that they are expecting the arrival of…
SEATTLE — Researchers at the University of Washington announced breakthroughs in medical AI technology capable of detecting diseases with unaffordable treatments much earlier than comparable…
KENILWORTH, Ill. — Local metalhead Travis Garnette was dejected after failing to scare unsuspecting suburbanites while wandering around Lovelace Park earlier this week, unshaken witnesses…
SEATTLE — Amazon surprised its warehouse staff throughout the country today with the announcement of a mandatory 22-hour warehouse shift to commemorate Labor Day, exhausted…
LOS ANGELES — Showrunners for the hit show “Yellowstone” announced that they are planning a new spinoff series that will take place entirely within a…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local restaurant the Green Garden began serving mocktails which are perfect for the person who doesn’t want to drink, but still wants…