CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Administrators at Harvard University are currently reaching out to everyone in their network and asking if anyone knows a good lawyer who…
CHICAGO — Local 42-year-old man Marshall Reese is descending into a nightmarish, unending spiral of increasingly comforting sleepytime teas, unable to prevent himself from sinking…
WASHINGTON — Democratic leaders praised their own strategy of placing “gate” at the end of Trump-led Republican crimes in the effort for something, possibly anything,…
BOSTON — Frequent flyer Kaitlyn Massey was surprised to learn that venerable shock jock Howard Stern is still alive and broadcasting, sources within her family’s…
WASHINGTON — A new report revealed that among the many issues currently dividing Americans, none is more divisive than how the nation spells the word…
DENVER — A urinal cake spotted in the bathroom of Low Clearance raised concerns that the beloved venue may be veering away from their squalid…
LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Superior Court ruled on Monday that all interactions with strangers’ dogs will require at least a minimal introduction to…
GREENVILLE, Del. — Top doctors from all over Israel travelled to the United States to prepare a course of action to treat former President Biden’s…
TEL AVIV — The Israeli Defense Force defended their lethal bombing of a Gaza Children’s Hospital today by alleging that the kids inside were reincarnated…
TORONTO — Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies responded to U.S. President Donald Trump’s sweeping tariffs on their country by threatening to release another single, horrified…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local man Mick Lovell attempted to weave the phrase “late-stage capitalism” into casual conversation, hoping it would make his friends respect his…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Corbin Stefanski’s weakening urine stream is severely limiting his ability to clean his toilet, according to several sources familiar with…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made the decision to replace the country’s highest military decoration for valor in action with the grand prize from ‘90s…
GLENS FALLS, N.Y. — A salesman for music gear retailer Sweetwater appeared at the funeral for Richie Andrews, a customer who purchased an overdrive pedal…
LONG BRANCH, N.J. — President Trump ordered a federal raid of the dreams and visions of Wendy, the female character from “Born to Run,” in…