SAN MATEO, Calif. – President-elect Donald Trump announced via Truth Social his intention to remove “any and all” federal protections for the near-extinct Aquabats. “It’s…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a new bill that bans the word “gay” from being used in any Christmas songs past or…
LOS ANGELES — Hallmark revealed that their latest holiday movie titled “The Christmas Stud” will feature a punk scene veteran opening a piercing shop in…
LAS VEGAS — Flair bartender Nico Cavalcante drew criticism from his customers today after they all agreed that he probably didn’t need to do all…
LOS ANGELES — A decorative mistletoe went missing at a Hollywood holiday party only to be discovered in a private bedroom being sucked on by…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — California Governor Gavin Newsom declared a state of emergency after realizing it’s been well over two weeks since he was the center…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — The recently reelected Donald Trump announced that he was most excited to return to the White House in order to locate…
SAN FRANCISCO — Executives at OpenAI agreed to honor Suchir Balaji, a former OpenAI researcher and whistleblower, by incorporating his complaints about copyright violations and…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Intermittent Facebook user Jonathon Tanner returned to the social media platform to see how Todd Costas, whom he met once at…
WINONA, Minn. — On a recent holiday pop-in to your apartment Thursday, your mom Nancy insisted you had to see this video as she began…
CHICAGO — Local public bus driver Charlene Algren is fed up with the third “Speed” situation that forced her bus into a heart-pumping thrill ride…
SAN ANTONIO — Employees at the Hot Topic store in Ingram Park Mall are working diligently to replace all of the Halloween season “The Nightmare…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden was reportedly startled late last night after he was unexpectedly visited by his own ghost, concerned aides confirmed. “Listen up…
The streets of New York are a little less dangerous for C-suite healthcare executives now that Luigi Mangione is in a Pennsylvania jail. But our…
MOORPARK, Calif. — Local charitable punk Branden Shaffer helped raise an unprecedented number of individual cigarettes during a holiday donation drive, according to coughing sources.…