James Knapp
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DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand…
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Natalie Vinh
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SEATTLE — Local amateur groupie Sarah Pepper is reportedly horrified after accidentally sleeping with the deceased body lying behind a…
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Nathan Kamal
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EUGENE, Ore. — Local punk Randy “Dirty Randy” Lopez made a surprisingly well-thought-out and articulated case for the Chrysler PT…
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Tony Morse
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WASHINGTON — Fox News host Tucker Carlson used the 1981 Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” as one of…
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Courtney Baka
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BETHESDA, Md. — Local resident Emily Spencer suffered through yet another flavorless meal when friend Darrien Thomas announced that he…
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Nathan Kamal
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LAS CRUCES, N.M — Several local teens mocking adult man Terry Rothstein at the Mesilla Valley Mall have inadvertently caused…
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Dianne Nora
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WALTHAM, Mass. — A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that women who date men…
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Krissy Howard
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MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Touring band Dwight Zombie made a last-minute stop in Memphis early yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose…
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Dianne Nora
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CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s newest iPhone operating system, iOS 16, includes a predictive text feature that allegedly recognizes when the…
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Michael De Toffoli
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NEWCASTLE, Wyo. — Local punk and Jehovah’s Witness Mike “Pitstain” Dawson took it upon himself to counterbalance the Jehovah’s Witness’…
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