Culture Archives - Page 514

Will I Understand Punk-O-Rama 10 if I Haven’t Heard the First 9?

Patrick Coyne • March 10, 2019

I love Game of Thrones so obviously I’m a huge fan of sprawling, borderline incoherent epics featuring multiple installments of…

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Much Too Late Now to Ask Close Friend His Real First Name

Patrick Coyne • March 10, 2019

VERO BEACH, Fla. — Groom-to-be Anthony Minor realized last week that he has no idea what his close friend’s real…

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Married Couple Now Using Nipple Clamps to Keep Potato Chips Fresh

Patrick Coyne • March 8, 2019

LANCASTER, Pa. — Married couple Jennifer Schultz-Markakis and Dwayne Markakis are now using an underutilized set of nipple clamps to…

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Finest Flyers Jersey Worn to Arraignment

Dan Kozuh • March 8, 2019

PHILADELPHIA — Local man Alec Bayliff wore his finest Philadelphia Flyers jersey to his arraignment this morning to face his…

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Johnny Rotten, Marky Ramone Fight over Who Did a Better Job of Tarnishing Their Band’s Legacies

Patrick Coyne • March 7, 2019

LOS ANGELES — Johnny Rotten and Marky Ramone nearly came to blows on stage Wednesday evening at a promotional event for…

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Dear Scabby: How can I get out of touring?

Scabby • March 7, 2019

Dear Scabby: I quit my shitty serving job in a moment of rage this past week. The only issue is…

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Subscription Box Service Gives Gutter Punks New Box to Live In Every Month

Patrick Coyne • March 5, 2019

PALO ALTO, Calif. — The new “gutterhaus” subscription box service is disrupting the living-on-the-streets industry by delivering artisanal cardboard boxes…

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4 out of 5 Bong Rips Agree – the Cops Are Right Outside Your Front Door

Patrick Coyne • March 4, 2019

A new scientific study conducted by you, your roommate’s unemployed boyfriend, and your dog Rocco via contact high, has concluded…

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Friend with Least Amount of Shit Together Now Reading Tarot Cards if You’re Interested

Malcolm Whitfield • March 4, 2019

MARION, Iowa — Local woman Richelle Sumner has undertaken the responsibility of helping her friends learn more about themselves through…

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Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me

John Danek • March 3, 2019

It's hard out here for a serial killer. I have to plan every detail, cover my tracks, choose the perfect…

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