DURHAM, N.C. — James Polk High School maintenance workers found yesterday an extensive collection of vintage hacky sacks, some accidentally kicked onto the roof over 20 years ago, confirmed sources who “hit the fucking jackpot, baby!”
“We went up to put tar down over some loose shingles,” said head of maintenance Terry Cofferdam. “Me and the boys got up there… and they were just all over the place. All over. I’m talkin’ decades’ worth, man. I’ve never seen this many hacky sacks in one place, and I was at Lollapalooza ’95, if that tells you anything.”
Reportedly, none of the faculty or administration were sure how to handle the hacky sack cache.
“I’m not sure why anyone would store their collection of hack-edy sacks on our roof,” said vice principal Gary Redmond. “Nor are we sure how they were safely delivered to the roof without any evidence of trespassing. Truly, a mystery for the ages.”
Much like the maintenance workers, however, those familiar with the popular ’90s activity alleged the collection could prove to be valuable.
“I bet that collection’s worth some serious change, man,” said Davey Belford, a former Shelby student known to still hang out around campus. “You know they’re all in good shape since they haven’t been getting kicked around up there. Plus, with that crocheted stitchwork, and with inflation and everything from the economy… I bet a lot of them appreciated in value. You could probably get, like, $5 a piece for those bad boys.”
“I’m pretty sure I lost one I picked up in Myrtle Beach at the Battle of the Bounce back in ’96,” he added. “So if you see one that says ‘Myrtle Beach” on it and don’t mind setting it aside, that’d be rad.”
After examining several options, the faculty announced they will hold a silent auction of their roof bounty to benefit the school. Reportedly, all items have received interest from anonymous bidders, with the exception of the lone pair of devil sticks available.